09 Aug 2018 10:41:40
Morning all. Listening to that Baz Lurman classic on the radio just earlier and thought I might re-do it for a bit of light entertainment. Maybe lighten the mood a little seeing as so many are clearly stressed. So here it is-

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '18
Take Valium
If I could offer you only one tip for the coming season
Valium would be it
The long term benefits of Valium have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice
Has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now
Trust the ability and courage of youth
Jose does not trust the ability and courage youth and just wants to buy
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of Luke Shaw
And recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much potential he had
And how fabulous he really looked
He is not nearly as fat as Anderson!
Don't worry about the future
And know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by asking Wayne Rooney
The real troubles in your life are the things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindside you at 5pm on Transfer deadline day
Read one thing every day that scares you
like Jerome Boeteng for £50 million!
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy
City are ahead, United way behind
The season is long
And in the end, Pep will triumph
Remember the good performances, forget the bad ones
If you succeed in doing this, please tell Beast how!
Stretch
Don't get angry about lack of spending
Just because a player costs a lot doesn't mean it will work out
Some of our cheapest signing have been our best
Some of the most expensive, the worst
Be kind to your knees
Like Roy Keane was to Alf Inga Haaland's
Maybe well sign a winger, maybe we won't
Maybe we'll sign a defender, maybe we won't
Maybe we'll get Ronaldo when he's 40
Or maybe we'll sign Wesley Sneijder on his 75th Birthday?
Whatever we do, don't over react too much
Our choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
Support the team
Watch them whenever way you can
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it
They're the greatest team you'll ever see
Cheer them on
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room
Do not read newspapers, they will only make you mad
Understand that players come and go
But there are a precious few we should hold on to
Dance (Not you Jesse! )
Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise
Even for defenders
You too will get old
And when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable
Goalkeepers were cheap
And players respected their managers
Respect our manager
Don't expect rivals to sell to us
Maybe they too have money
Maybe they have wealthy owners
But you never know when either one might run out
Pogba, don't mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40, it will be permanently blue
Be careful whose advice you buy
You can't imagine how much Mino Raiola will charge you for it
Advice is a form of nostalgia
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, making
Spain look more attractive than Manchester, and selling you for more than you are worth.

But trust me on the Valium.

1.) 09 Aug 2018
09 Aug 2018 11:29:08
Well done Betty brilliant what a fantastic read! 👏

I've not been posting long and assume from other posters comments you've been on an extended break but welcome back I have no doubt you've been missed!

2.) 09 Aug 2018
09 Aug 2018 11:53:56
Betty, that's genius!

3.) 09 Aug 2018
09 Aug 2018 12:34:26
Nice adaptation sweaty 👍 👏👏👏.